


Trips

by yungidreamer



Series: Yungi Soulmates [19]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Are We Meant To Be, Becoming the Person You Want to Be, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyandry, Saying You Matter, Secret Relationship, fear of the future, learning to do better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27232990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yungidreamer/pseuds/yungidreamer
Summary: When you have a relationship you usually keep secret, changing how you behave is a challenge. Its too easy to forget to tell the people you love that they matter. Things don’t quite go as planned on the trip to the museum but sometimes the things that trip us up, force you to move forward. Yunho, Mingi, and their girl have to face fears they have been avoiding.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Reader, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Song Mingi/Reader
Series: Yungi Soulmates [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898728
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Trips

“Wow,” she breathed as the three of them stood on the imposing concrete steps that led up to the large classical styled building. “I know we saw the outside yesterday, but I still think I didn’t understand how big this place really is.”

“Let’s go, we’re already a little late today,” Mingi prompted, taking her hand with one of his and Yunho’s with the other.

“I’m just going to point out that it wasn’t because of me,” she laughed, following his loping gate as best she could with her smaller legs. The three of them walked into the foyer, taking in the cavernously high ceilings and monumental architecture of the space. Groups of people were gathered together in patches large and small. Many looked like families, gathered around unfolded maps; or school groups, with teachers looking around to make sure that all of the students they were responsible for were accounted for. 

Yunho spotted the ticket counter slightly off to the left and pulled the other two off towards them to get their exploration started. Yunho pulled out his card and paid the entrance fee for everyone, passing them their little clip pin to attach to their shirts as proof they had paid the entrance fee. Mingi then pulled them to the information counter grabbing a map from there to decide where exactly they wanted to start their tour.

After debating a bit, they settled on starting with the Egyptian wing. All of them wanted to see it and it was located just off the entrance hall. Mingi and Yunho led the way, pulling her along behind them as she continued to admire and take in the broad domes of the Romanesque architecture.

“How tall do you think they are,” she wondered aloud as they tugged on her hands, guiding her through the crowds.

“Very,” Yunho replied with a teasing grin.

“Har har har,” she returned, pursing her lips in faux annoyance.

“He is technically correct,” Mingi laughed, his smile taking over his whole face.

“Ah yes,” she rolled her eyes. “The very best kind of correct.” Yunho leaned down and kissed the side of her head, brushing his hand over the hickey mark visible just below. He straightened up after giving her a meaningful smile, guiding everyone to the right which seemed to be the start of the exhibit. Walking amongst the vitrines, they held hands, poking their heads in to see all of the little things that were there. It wasn’t until they got to the second room that things started looking like what they had expected.

“Makes sense, doesn’t it?” Mingi commented as they looked at a stone statue with one leg forward as if it was stepping forward. “Something had to be there before the Egypt we think of. Nothing comes from nothing.”

“Why do I sometimes forget how smart you are,” Yunho laughed, bumping Mingi with his shoulder and giving him a proud grin. An eye squinting smile burst onto Mingi’s face as he looked at the other boy, a pleased pink rising on his cheeks.

“Wow, look at all the boats,” she said as they walked into the next room. “The real ones must have been pretty big to have so many people rowing them. I wonder where they imagined they were going? Then again, maybe whoever had this made just really liked boats.”

“Maybe it’s like having a model sports car,” Yunho guessed. After a second he stood up and put on the voice of a stereotypical used car salesman voice, “This here boat can have up to 12 human power (humans not included) and can go at the same speed as an obstinate camel but without the swaying and the bumping.”

She tried very hard to suppress her laughter, not wanting to bother the other people in the gallery at that section, but ended up making the oddest sound that was somewhere between a snort, a gulp, and a laugh. For all the world she sounded like a dying seal as she doubled over, in the end drawing far more attention than if she had simply laughed in the first place. Yunho snickered behind his hand for a second before throwing his head back in full bellied laughter. Mingi let out a rapid fire giggle even as his eyes watched the curious looks they were garnering from the other visitors. 

It took her a moment to recover, as she fell back into her peals of laughter every time she looked up at one of them with tears streaming from the corners of her eyes. Yunho used the hem of his shirt under his sweater to dab at the moisture as Mingi continued laughing and patting her head sympathetically.

“I never knew you wanted me dead,” she finally managed to sigh, her lungs tired from laughing as they meandered further along.

“Nooo, baby,” Yunho lifted her off her feet, wadling with her along the line of glass enclosed displays on their way back to the next part of the exhibition. “Not dead, just maybe incapacitated by humor. You know, at my mercy.” With a mischievous grin, Yunho buried his face in her neck, purposely hitting an area he knew was rather sensitive and ticklish on her. 

“Ugghhh, you are the wooooorst,” she snickered, scrunching her neck in a futile attempt to get away. Mingi trailed a little behind them, amused by their antics but also nervously looking around at the reactions of the other people in the room. Most people were happy enough to ignore them, living in their own world as they looked at the exhibits or listened to their audio tours. A few people glanced over, slightly curious but not wanting to be obvious about it. Only one very grumpy looking old man seemed to huff and roll his eyes at them.

When Yunho finally put her down, they both turned back to Mingi, extending their hands to him, inviting him to rejoin the circle of their affection. He smiled and stepped forward to meet them, blushing as he realized he had been pulling himself away, not wanting to draw attention to himself. It was an automatic reaction. He wanted not to think about what others thought. Really he wanted to be proud of himself and who he was, especially with them, to show them off like they did so often.

They knew it was harder on him, things beyond holding hands as they walked around, and they didn’t push it.  _ It really sucks sometimes, looking like some third wheel, _ he sighed to himself, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“Hey, hun,” she bumped her hand into the side of his leg as she kept her hold on his hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mingi quickly assured her, giving her smaller hand a squeeze.

“You sure?” She pursed her lips as she looked up at him. “I know we’ve been drawing a little bit of attention to ourselves. We can be a little more careful, it’s okay.”

“No, I—” Mingi sighed, pulling them a little off to the side of the large room they just entered. He actually recognized where they were in the museum. Not that he had been here before, but they had seen the outside of this during their walk in the park. A long wall of glass and steel enclosed one side of the room, looking out at the park they had walked through just the day before. Inside was a massive courtyard that was an odd mix of stark modern architecture of sandy colored stone, and obviously ancient objects placed sparsely around the space.

“It’s pretty neat isn’t it?” She smiled warmly at him, letting the subject drop for him. “It’s actually really cool to see it from this side. It looked big from out there, but this feels really epic.”

“It’s such a huge space,” Yunho commented looking around the room. “I wonder why there are just these few things in here.”

“I think it’s just to make you feel the sort of grandeur of whatever that thing there used to be,” she gestured toward the square stone arch or entryway that stood somewhere near the center of the space.

“It must have been something special,” Yunho nodded. Mingi gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and his gaze flicked to look more closely at each person that passed by. Their girl gave the boys hands a last squeeze before dropping them and crossing her arms over her chest as she stepped up to look at the two dark stone statues that had greeted them upon stepping into the space. Yunho’s eyes went between the other two, reading the deliberate distance she was putting between herself and them and the sad angle of Mingi’s mouth. Coming up beside Mingi, he offered him a small smile and a reassuring hand between his shoulder blades for a few seconds before dropping his hands and following their girl as she walked along the edge of the still black pool of water.

“Look, I think that’s actually papyrus, like the real, living stuff,” she said trying to find that excitement she had had a few moments ago as she pointed to the small green tuft of leaves that were sticking out of the water.

“I think you’re right,” Mingi agreed, coming up behind her and putting a hand on her shoulder. She patted his hand on his shoulder before continuing to walk around the edge of the pool towards the slightly raised center area that had the ruins which had been relocated who-knows-when to the great space inside the museum. They walked along the edge lined with windows, making their way up the couple of stairs to the upper area. Walking over to the low, tiered wall that bordered the water, she took a seat and pulled out her phone.

“What are you doing?” Yunho asked, taking a seat beside her.

“I thought I might look up something about this on the museum website.” She replied, opening something on her phone. “Can someone look at the map to see if it says where we are?”

“Oh, sure,” Mingi nodded, burying his face in the map as he took a seat on the other side of her. She kept herself busy looking at the screen of her phone, trying to keep herself distracted from the heaviness that had settled a little in her chest.

“I think it’s the Temple of Dendur,” he said, keeping his eyes on the map.

“Can you spell the name; the last bit, I mean,” she asked, keeping her voice deliberately light.

“D-E-N-D-U-R,” Mingi spelled out slowly.

“Okay, here it is, let’s see,” she cleared her throat. “It says it was finished in 10 B.C. The square thing here closer to us used to be the gate to the temple, which is the building behind it. It seems like there is a lot of imagery relating to the gods and Egyptian mythology including the symbols of the sun, papyrus, and lotuses. Awww, the god of the Nile has a cute name, Hapi,” She gave a brief chuckle before going back to summarizing what she was reading. “Their symbol was the lotus flower and they had features of both males and females. The seasonal floods were attributed to their arrival.

“The pillars are designed to look like papyrus and lotuses bound together in a bundle. When we go look at it, we should apparently look up in the porch area… apparently there are some vultures carved in there to represent the sky. Mmmm, I think symbolism around them has changed a little since I can’t say I would find it, I don’t know… I don’t really think  _ vulture _ and temple or something.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Mingi told her when she paused to read.

“Sorry,” she bit her lip and swallowed, hitting the power button on the side of her phone. “I thought it might be interesting, but maybe not.” Starting to stand up and put her phone back in her pocket without looking at either of the boys.

“That isn’t what I meant,” Mingi reached for her and pulled her into his lap, having brought one leg up to rest on the step. “I’m sorry I ruined the fun.” He pulled her back against his chest, wrapping her tightly in his arms, his chin resting on her head.

“It’s fine, hun,” she shrugged, patting his hand for a second before letting her hand drop to her lap again. “You didn’t ruin it, just gave us a little reminder to be a little more discrete. It’s okay, really.”

“No,” he shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed and sighing. “I made you feel self-conscious about enjoying yourself and I made all of us feel like shit.”

“No, I—” she began before realizing she didn’t really know what to say. Sometimes it could be hard balancing his hangups and his fears, but she never wanted him to feel bad about any of it. They both knew and they both understood. It didn’t really come up terribly often. They didn’t do public dates and half the time when they had their regular lunches together on campus, other friends joined them, providing a sort of buffer for him. They talked about school and classes and focused on eating while they had time all together between classes.

At home Mingi happily cuddled, kissed, and was generally excited to reach for them, to touch them, to hold them. She had hoped getting away from places where they knew people, where he risked seeing people he would have to face later, people who might have opinions that might  _ matter _ in a way, would help him relax a little, worry just a little less what people might be thinking. She really could have killed his father for all the fears he had seeded into his mind.

“I want to keep in mind what makes you comfortable,” she tried to explain. “But at the same time, I don’t want to have to think about everything I do. I want to laugh and joke and tease you both without having to run it through my head and question it. It’s fine, it’s just hard sometimes and it makes me sad.”

“I’m sorry,” He squeezed her tighter, feeling her shrug briefly before starting to pull away.

“It’s fine,” she pulled out of his arms and stood up. “Let’s keep going.” Without looking back, she started towards the rebuilt temple to get a closer look. Mingi cast a sad and apologetic look to the other boy sitting there.

“Come on, let’s catch up with her before she gets away from us,” Yunho put on a brave face, torn between wanting to chastise Mingi for letting his hangups dampen the fun and wanting to make sure he knew that he really did understand it wasn’t on purpose. Mingi nodded, standing up and putting his hands in his pockets as he moved to follow her. Yunho followed along behind them both, wishing it was 15 minutes ago with all of his heart.

“Did you see this,” she said when the two boys drew up behind her where she stood near the far side of the gate. She pointed to something just above the line of clear protective plastic that circled the base.  _ Leonardo 1820 _ . “People really do stay the same no matter when it is, don’t they?”

“Is it really from way back then?” Mingi asked with a good natured laugh.

“Yeah, the info on the website said something about Napoleonic forces tagging that they were at the temple during the Egyptian campaigns,” she filled in, continuing to look at the out of place lettering on the temple. After a beat, she turned and continued into the temple itself. The boys followed quietly as they walked through the small structure and back out, heading for the other side exhibition they hadn’t seen yet. They made their way through the rest of the rooms with only half hearted observations on some of the beautiful objects they passed.

“I’m just going to go to the bathroom,” she said before stepping away and into the doorway marked with the iconic ‘woman’ shaped symbol.

“Mingi, you know how much I love you, right?” Yunho said quietly as he stood close enough to him to not be overheard.

“Yeah,” Mingi nodded, looking down at his shoes.

“I’m just… I’m apologizing now, sort of,” Yunho took a deep breath. “I can’t put your hangups first today. I’m going to hug our girl and put her first today. She put a lot into planning this and she’s trying really hard to be good for you but I can’t take that hollow look on her face today.”

“Yunho, I didn’t mean to…” Mingi shifted on his feet.

“I know,” Yunho nodded, sticking his thumbs in his belt loops. “I’m gonna show her off. I want everyone to know that she’s my girl at least. If you can come around and do the same comfortably, I would love to do the same with you, but I’m going to work on putting a smile back on her face.”

Before Mingi could say another word, she stepped out of the bathroom and Yunho caught her by the hand as he said something about wanting to show her something he had spotted in the next room while she was in the restroom. She cast a quick look at Mingi as Yunho pulled her away with an excited smile. Mingi gave her a reassuring smile and took a step to follow them as the other boy looked to draw her back into the objects around them.

“How about the European paintings next?” Yunho suggested when they stepped back into the entry hall from the Egyptian area.

“Sure, if you guys want,” she nodded, looking between them. With a chuckle, Yunho led her up the wide staircase, her hand in his as he bound up towards those galleries. Mingi followed just a little behind them, staying close but mostly feeling like he didn’t deserve to join them as Yunho happily pulled her along, his hand proudly entwined with hers. They paused briefly just inside the large rounded arch trying to decide which of the four doors they were supposed to go in. When they finally figured it out, they started to make their way through the maze of interconnected galleries.

They wandered through a few galleries, largely sticking to the long line of rooms along the front and up one side of the cluster of rooms. They passed baroque and rococo paintings, some familiar and others not, under beautiful light that glowed from the skylight like ceiling which spread a surprisingly even and bright light through the room, leaving no shadows and no real shine on the glossy surfaces of the paintings. Yunho pulled her from painting to painting, enjoying the beauty of them all until they ended up in a gallery which had, at its center. a relatively sizable sculpture of a male and female figure with mythic origins obviously hinted at by the wings that sprung from their backs.

“Cupid and Psyche by Antonio Canova,” she read off the nearby plaque. “Just look at the details on his wings. They look like they should almost be soft.”

“I like how he’s holding her,” Yunho commented, standing behind her and tilting her head back to steal a kiss like Cupid was. She giggled, letting him do it, sharing a brief, light kiss.

“It sucks being a third wheel when people are disgustingly in love, doesn’t it?” A voice startled Mingi from beside him. He hadn’t noticed the woman draw up beside him, her hair cut in an adorable pixie cut.

“Oh, uh, well,” Mingi shifted away from her slightly.

“Don’t worry, I don’t mean it as an insult to them,” she assured him with a friendly smile. “I wish I had a someone who looked at me like that. I’m Louise, by the way.”

“Mingi,” he replied, offering her his hand which she shook for just a second or two longer than was just friendly.  _ Oh, _ he thought, realizing that she hadn’t just come over to commiserate over him being the odd one out.

“Do you want to go get a cup of coffee at the cafe?” Louise offered. “Maybe lunch? There is a place just off the stairs over there.”

“Oh, thanks but,” he shrugged, taking a step towards Yunho and their girl. “I’m with them.”

“I know,” she nodded, giving him an understanding look. “Your friends just seem like, you know, maybe they would like a little time just the two of them and it might be fun getting to know you, too.”

“No I mean, I’m  _ with _ them,” he tried again, this time bringing his hand up to rub his neck, hoping to draw her attention to the marks on his neck.

“Oh… ohhhh,” she nodded, eyes following where his hand led. “Well, sorry for saying it but, I mean, they seem to sort of be leaving you out.”

“They really aren’t,” he tried to explain.

“Okay, well, if you change your mind, this is my number,” she handed him a paper before getting on her toes and giving his cheek a quick peck. Mingi blinked, watching her walk away further into the galleries. When he finally turned back to her and Yunho. he froze, seeing both of them watching him and what had just happened. A sadness flickered in her eyes for a second before she broke eye contact, but Yunho’s eyes sparked with frustration and anger.

“You know,” She said, offering them both a watery sort of smile. “I think I need a little break.”

“Babe,” Mingi started, moving a little toward her. But she just stepped back, pulling her collar higher up on her neck, further hiding the marks there as she turned, walking away from both of them.

“Just…” she sighed, pausing near the doorway they had just walked through. “I need a little time to myself.”

After watching her go, Yunho turned on Mingi, looking at him with a tightly clenched jaw. “What the hell just happened?”

“I don’t know,” Mingi shook his head, quickly crumpling the paper and putting it into his pocket and out of sight. “I didn’t mean to let her just… she thought--”

“She thought you were here by yourself,” Yunho filled in for him in a harsh whisper as he guided him through the pair of glass doors out of the gallery and out onto a walkway that overlooked a bright open courtyard space. “Gee I wonder how she could have been under that impression?”

“I’m sorry,” Mingi whispered. “I didn’t mean to ruin everything.”

“You come here with us and spend the whole time practically pretending that you don’t know us,” Yunho muttered angrily. “Then some stranger comes up and, who knows, maybe reads everything right, that you don’t want to be here with us, that you’d rather be with someone less embarrassing than me, and you get a kiss. Not from me, not from our girl; from some stranger. I don’t even know.” Yunho clenched his jaw and looked around, though his eyes took in nothing of their surroundings.

“You need to decide what you want to do.” He finally sighed. “I’m tired of feeling a little like your dirty secret. I don’t know how our girl feels, aside from the fact I know I saw some tears in her eyes as she was walking away. I’m going to go to her. I’m going to take her wherever she wants to go for the rest of the day. If you decide to come too, I need you to decide that you are done being ashamed of me… of us. I don’t think I realized how much it hurt to see you pull away all the time until I saw how obvious it was to everyone else that you didn’t want to be with us.”

Mingi watched Yunho turn back into the gallery, trying to retrace her steps and catch up with her. He wanted to follow but at this point he felt like he was just making everything worse. He felt terrible and he knew that this had all started because he had gotten self-conscious. The one moment of looking around the room, worrying what everyone else thought had just snowballed into him pulling further and further back because of a combination of still worrying what everyone else thought and feeling like, if he joined in, his doubts would infect their fun, drag them down with him. Letting those niggling doubts stop him had just made things worse.

Making the decision, he set off after Yunho. After all, he couldn’t possibly make the whole situation worse than it already was. He would apologize and do whatever it took to make it up to both of them. He jogged through the galleries and back towards where they had first entered. As he exited to the space near the top of the wide staircase that led back down to the entry hall, he found a worried looking Yunho pacing back and forth, poking his head in the surrounding rooms and down the two long halls that stretched down either side.

“I can’t find her,” Yunho said when he caught sight of Mingi who drew up beside him. “I thought she would have just come out here, maybe found a seat to pull herself together, but she wasn’t in the rooms we walked through and I don’t see her.”

“Maybe she just went down stairs,” Mingi offered, putting a hand on Yunho’s shoulder. “If she wanted to get out of the way.”

“Right,” Yunho nodded, a flicker of hope on his face. They both hurried down the steps and into the cavernous entry hall. Staying together they made a big circle, checking every bench and corner as they nervously made their way through the space.

“Did you message her?” Mingi asked when they found themselves back near the information desk again.

“No, not yet,” Yunho admitted, feeling a little silly that he hadn’t done it already. They both pulled out their phones, typing out messages to her and sending them to her in the hopes of getting something back. They both stared at the phones, carefully looking for some sign she had seen them or was going to message them back. Finally both their phones pinged and a reply popped up on both their screens.

_ I’m fine. Just taking a walk. Don’t worry about it. _

“Where would she go?” Yunho asked, a worried look crossing his face as he let the hand holding his phone drop. “I have the key to the room so she can’t have gone back there. We need to go find her. She shouldn’t be wandering around alone here.”

“The park?” Mingi offered.

“Right,” Yunho nodded, it made sense. “But it’s so big… do you think we can find her?”

“Maybe just go sort of the same way we walked before?” Mingi shrugged. “It’s a place to start at least.” They both pocketed their phones, put on their coats and headed out to see if they could find her.

***

Winding her way through the paths of the park she found herself shrouded by dark thoughts that made her chest tight. This whole trip had been a mistake. She had thought getting away would be a break, that maybe if they were somewhere where no one knew them, they would all just be able to get out of the box of their ordinary existence, relax and be themselves without having to worry. Maybe they should have just gone home for the break. It would mean they would be stuck with their families and would barely see each other for the week, but at least then she would have missed them, felt a pang of longing as she thought of them instead of this hollow pain.

She wiped a tear off her cheek as she sniffled, keeping her eyes on the path ahead of her. Her thoughts roiled in her mind, distracting her from paying terribly much attention to where she was going. All of the doubts, all of the fears she never voiced, beat against the inside of her skull. They felt loud, like they could suddenly echo through her without the dampening effect of their presence.

Mingi might be right. People didn’t really accept trios like them. You were supposed to be a  _ couple _ . Even if they wanted to stay together, there was so much they could never really have. Even if they told their families and they accepted them…  _ eventually _ , she laughed ruefully in her head, they would never have a wedding, never have the safety and protection that marriage offered. 

And kids, she shook her head at the thought. They had never talked about it. After all, they had gotten together as kids and they were barely more than that now. How would that even work? Did they even want kids? Did she? If she were honest about it, maybe she did, not now but in some far away, nebulous _someday_ she sort of did.

_ It probably doesn’t matter _ , a dark voice said in the back of her brain.  _ You really think you’re all going to last long enough to have to think about it? How many people even end up with their high school sweethearts to begin with? And that’s just when they don’t even have to think about how to balance keeping it all a secret. _

A sharp pain stabbed at her chest and a sense of rising panic started to hit her. She looked around, finding herself in a secluded section of the Ramble, she wandered a little off the path, not wanting to have to deal with some random passerby as she fell apart. Taking a seat on a wide stretch of bare rock surrounded by trees, she pulled out her phone and called the only person she could think of at the moment she could talk to.

“Hey Chipmunk, how is the big city?” San said brightly as he picked up the phone, having seen her name come up on the screen.

“Sannie,” her voice cracked as she said his name.

On the other end of the phone San stopped what he was doing, the smile falling from his face at her tone. He asked, “Is everyone okay? Are you hurt?”

“Everyone is fine,” she assured him, wiping her eyes as she tried to pull herself a little more together. “Mostly at least. I’m not bothering you am I?”

“You’re never a bother,” He scolded softly. “What happened?”

“It’s so stupid,” she laughed sadly at herself. “I feel like such an idiot for all of it. It’s just… it hurts and I think things are falling apart a little.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing so dire,” San chided, even as he put her on speaker phone and opened up the messaging app to ask the boys what the _hell_ they had done. “Tell me about it.”

“I think I over reacted,” she sighed, feeling the confusing tumult of emotions rushing around inside her. “But we were at the museum and Mingi got awkward about being out with us. Then there was this girl, and she couldn’t even tell he was like with us. She hit on him, even kissed his cheek and it was like… all of a sudden I wasn’t even sure he really wanted to be with us, with me. Maybe I panicked but I just had to get away from them, so I went for a walk and I’m in the park. I just, I can’t talk to them right now.”

“They don’t know where you are?” San asked as he hit send on his first all caps message to both of the boys.

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” she said brushing off his concern. “I just… I think we shouldn’t have come. I’m just tired of sort of hiding. If we can’t even go to a museum where there is no one we are even ever going to see again without Mingi feeling embarrassed by us, then where are we going?”

“Oh love,” San sighed, his heart feeling heavy for her. If there was ever a set of people more meant for each other than those three, he had never seen it. He didn’t doubt that they would work it out, but it was surely harder for her to see from the inside.

“Yunho got kind of mad at him and just started pushing,” she groaned, closing her eyes. “He made a show of being with me but… in the end it just felt like, it wasn’t because he wanted to be there with me, it was just about pushing it in Mingi’s face and I don’t know. I don’t think either of them wanted to be there with me.”

“No,” he tried to reassure her as he read the message Yunho had sent back to him. “I know that isn’t true.”

_ She called you? _ Yunho’s message read.  _ Where is she? We’re in the park looking for her, but it’s huge. _

“Maybe,” she shrugged, a headache starting to pulse in her temples. “Maybe it doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean,” he scolded even as he typed out what she had told him to try and get the boys perspective on just what had happened. “Of course it matters. I know they wouldn’t want you to think they didn’t want to be there with you. That’s why they are there.”

“What if…” she murmured, finally saying some of it out loud. “What if it’s just habit at this point, what if it doesn’t really make them happy anymore but they are just still here because they just haven’t found something else yet.”

San paused at the hurt in her voice. He wished he was there, and frankly he wished he was wherever the boys were so that he could break their noses. Maybe it was half a light hearted joke that he was her big brother now, but to him at least, it meant something. She and her family had been there when no one else was. The boys were too, but the way she had taken him in when he needed it most had given him a sort of unshakeable loyalty to her.

“I know that isn’t it,” he replied gently. “I know the boys both love you and would do anything just to make you smile.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him softly, chewing at the inside of her cheek as she looked out at the barely budding trees around her. “I probably shouldn’t have called and bothered you. I think I’ll go, just keep walking around for a while.”

“No no no no,” San said into the phone, panicking slightly that she was going to hang up before he could even get it out. “Where are you, Chipmunk? Where are you in the park?”

“Just somewhere in the ramble,” she shrugged. “I’m just going to keep walking. It’s okay.”

“The boys are looking for you, love,” he told her gently. “They want to know where they can meet you.”

“You can tell them you talked to me and I’m okay,” she sighed, standing up.

“I’m not sure I could in good conscience say I think you are okay,” He tried to joke. “They’re worried about you being in the park alone and they want to apologize.”

“Maybe they don’t have anything to apologize for,” she brushed the mulch off her butt and started back towards the path.

“Oh they  _ sooooo  _ have something to apologize for,” San chuckled darkly, telling them so in the message he was sending. “Where are you, Chipmunk? Where can they meet you?”

“Tell them the bridge,” She sighed, setting foot back on the path.

“Okay,” San nodded even though she couldn’t see it. “Will you stay on with me until they come meet you?”

“I don’t really want to talk,” she sighed. “My head just hurts at this point.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he promised. “Just stay on with me until they meet you.”

“If you want,” she sounded tired as she walked. Eventually she found herself on the path from yesterday and before long she was there on the shore where the beautiful curving bow bridge stretched across the short point of the lake. Coming up near the bridge, she sat on the round plinth-like end of the cement railing of one side. 

“I’m here.” She said quietly.

“The boys aren’t far, they’ll be there soon,” San soothed on the other end of the line. She just nodded, a blank look on her face as a couple of tears rolled down her cheeks, too tired to wipe them away.

The boys had missed her in the ramble with too many possible paths and too many trees to see very far. They had crossed the bridge and had to double back to get to it again. Now that they knew where to find her, they had set off at a jog to get back there. Mingi was the first to spot her sitting at the end of the bridge, her phone pressed to her ear. He called her name as he drew close but the only acknowledgement he got in return was her passing him her phone as she continued looking at her hand resting in her lap. Yunho was right behind him, going down on his knees in front of her.

“Hello?” Mingi said into the phone she had handed him.

“Mingi?” San checked when he heard the voice.

“Yeah, we found her,” he confirmed, panting slightly. “We’re here and I think she’s okay.”

“She isn’t fine,” San grumbled at him. “I say this as fair warning, okay? Fix this. Fix whatever you did today, because I am calling tomorrow and if I hear so much as a hint of unhappiness in her voice, I am taking a bus to the city, beating the snot out of both of you and taking her home with me. Understood?”

“Loud and clear,” Mingi mumbled, properly taken to task. “We’ll fix things.”

“You better,” San snipped. “Make sure she knows that you love her, that you really love her. Prove to her that she isn’t some habit or better than nothing alternative. I never want to hear her doubt that you love her again.”

“We will,” Mingi promised before hanging up the phone.

“Love?” Yunho said as he tried to get low enough to make her look at him. “You okay? You aren’t hurt or anything?” He took her hands in his, rubbing them up to warm them.

“I’m fine,” she said flatly. Her hands were limp in his, neither taking them nor fighting his grip.

“Babe,” Mingi said as he knelt beside Yunho. “Here,” he handed her the phone back. Taking the phone, she tucked it into her pocket before putting her hand back on her jean covered leg.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho told her as he wiped her cheeks. “We’re so sorry about ruining today. Can we try and make it up to you?”

“Not right now,” she sighed, turning her head away. “My head hurts.”

“Oh babe,” Mingi sighed. “Let us help. Let’s go back to the room and talk. We’ll stop off somewhere and get something for your headache on the way though.”

“I don’t know that I want to talk right now,” she told them honestly. Her whole body just felt tired and her brain felt fuzzy.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Yunho promised. “Let’s go back, though, okay?”

“Fine,” she agreed, standing up without looking at them. Tucking her hands in her pockets she started walking, seemingly unhurried in her pace. The boys caught up, each putting a hand on her shoulder until she shrugged them off without a word.

The walk back to the room was awkward and quiet, the boys only breaking the silence she obviously sought when Yunho led them into the pharmacy that was catty-corner from the block of their bed and breakfast. Mingi grabbed snacks and drinks while Yunho went to find pain pills and a few little things to pamper their girl with. When they had everything, they met near the cash register and checked out.

When they got back to the room, she finally said something, letting them know that she decided she was going to take a shower. Both the boys said okay, letting her go with just a nod from each of them. The door to the bathroom clicked closed behind her and Yunho slumped into the armchair in the corner of the room.

“I think I need to talk to San,” he decided, sounding distinctly tired. “She called him and since she isn’t talking to us, I can at least hear what she told him. It will give us a place to start.”

“Yeah,” Mingi agreed, sitting on the foot of the bed as Yunho pulled out his phone.

“Why are you calling me?” San asked the moment that he picked up the phone.

“She’s not talking to us and we just want to know what she said,” Yunho sighed. “Give us a place to start.”

“You two are idiots is where you can start,” San snapped. “Mingi, you ridiculous excuse for a boyfriend. You go out with her and with Yunho and you keep yourself so separate from them that no one can even tell you’re with them and some girl hits on you for her to see? All this on some trip she spent a ton of time and money on.

“And Yunho,” he said, changing the target of his stinging remarks. “You made sure to push it, made sure that Mingi at least noticed how he was lacking. She felt like a toy at the end, like whatever it was you were doing was more about him than her. I have no idea if it was but that was how she felt and you missed it.

“You have a lot of things to talk about and I don’t just mean today. Maybe you’ve missed it but she seems to be doubting your feelings for her. She’s tired of feeling like a secret. Now I think she is being a little stupid here, but its not up to me to convince her she is wrong here.” San sighed. “She’s not sure you aren’t just still with her because you’re just used to how things are. I know it's not true, but I leave it to you to convince her of that. I don’t think all of this is about you, but whatever is bothering her, it’s up to you to fix it.”

“San,” Mingi spoke up, leaning closer to the phone. “You don’t think she’s fallen out of love with us, has she?”

“I think if she had,” San pointed out. “She would have been more annoyed than hurt. Now go fix things.”

“Thank you, San,” Yunho replied before hanging up the phone.

“How did I make one of the most important people in my life feel like she’s not?” Mingi asked aloud, though the question was really more for himself than anyone else.

“You know, she’s not the only one, if I’m being honest,” Yunho took the chance to tell him.

“I know I still let things get in the way,” Mingi said, his voice sounding small. “But you said you were okay with waiting for me.”

“Maybe I’m not,” Yunho shrugged. “Maybe I would if it was just that you were a little nervous, not acting like you don’t even want to have anything to do with us.”

“I didn’t,” Mingi protested.

“You did,” Yunho hissed with a flare of anger. “Enough that some stranger fucking thought it was okay to kiss you.”

“It wasn’t…” Mingi trailed off, having to admit he was right.

“God,” Yunho gave a disbelieving laugh. “Maybe I get where our girl is coming from.”

“What do you mean?” Mingi looked at him.

“Why would I believe that when it comes down to the point where you finally have to come out, you finally have to admit that we are together, that you actually will when you can’t for something like this?” Yunho pointed out.

“It’s not like that,” Mingi objected. “I just… what if someone starts something? What if word gets back to my dad?”

“Right,” Yunho agreed. “What happens when it does? It will someday. Do you really think we’re meant to be? When that day comes, what happens then?” It hurt him to admit it, but he’d had his doubts, too.

“Then you two will be all I have,” Mingi admitted. “No home to go back to, no one to help pay the rent or tuition. Just you two.”

Yunho paused. He knew it was probably true and it was a lot to give up, but if they weren’t worth that sacrifice in the end, was all of this just putting off a heartbreak?

“You know if that happens,” Yunho told him with his quiet but absolute confidence. “You will never be alone. If you choose us, you have us, or I can at least promise that you have me.”

“I know,” Mingi nodded even as he slumped, looking away from the other man in the room.

“No I don’t think you do,” Yunho said, stepping forward and taking Mingi’s face between his hands. “If we have to work twice as hard to pay off school loans because your dad won’t help. If you don’t have a home there anymore… good, you deserve a better one. I’ll make one for you. You can stay with me and mom, or I’ll move out and we can get a place that is ours, just the three of us. I’ll get a job off campus this summer. We can start a bank account to save for all three of us; for our future.”

Mingi looked up into Yunho’s eyes and crumbled a little. Part of him really had believed he would be alone if it happened, if he became too high a price, too big a burden. Having never had that sort of selfless love from his family, it was hard to believe he could have it even from them. It was hard to take that last step when you really didn’t believe there were people there who would catch you if you fell.

“I want to believe it, but it’s hard,” Mingi whispered.

“I’ve never even had the chance to let you down,” Yunho pushed. “You never give me the chance to stand beside you, to show you off. I would protect you from anything I could, but you never give me the chance.”

“I’m sorry I’ve let you both down so much,” Mingi squeezed his eyes shut, pressing Yunho’s hand to his cheek. 

“I can’t promise not to push you on this anymore,” Yunho said plainly, but without malice. “Not after today. It’s just too important.”

“Okay,” Mingi nodded a second before the sound of the bathroom door opening filled the room, having had a volume in the space it could not have had in reality. She stepped into the room, wet hair hanging loosely and dressed only in the loose shirt she usually wore to bed. Her eyes never rose to look at them as she pushed past, she only crawled into the bed without a word. Both the boys pulled apart, moving to sit on either side of the bed as they turned their attention on her.

“Love, does your head still hurt?” Yunho asked, pulling the blanket down so he could see her face.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugged him off. “You should just go to the museum; make the day not a total waste.”

“We didn’t come just to see things,” he pointed out gently. “We came to be together.”

“Maybe it’s best if we think about whether that was a good idea,” she said with no affect, looking at nothing in particular.

“Going out to do things?” Mingi asked, confused.

“Being together,” her voice was barely above a whisper, the first hints of emotion coming through.

“No, no-no-no,” Mingi stuttered out behind her, a sort of panic fluttering in his chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin things today. I’ll do better. Yunho and I, we already talked; I’m going to do better.”

“It isn’t that,” she replied. “It isn’t just that at least.”

“Where is this coming from, love?” Yunho lay down beside her, putting his head on the pillow in her view. “You can’t really mean you don’t see us making it. There is no one else for me; you two are it.”

“You’ll both find other people,” she told him simply. “It won’t be the same. Maybe it will be better, maybe it will be worse, or it will just be different. You’ll find someone who makes you happy enough and you’ll get married and you’ll have little Yuyu’s and you’ll just think about this as a memory or a mistake.”

“I don’t want those things with someone else,” he shook his head, eyes clouding as he even considered it. “I don’t want to build that with anyone but you two.”

“The world wasn’t made for people like us,” she whispered sadly. “We can’t get married, and it doesn’t seem fair to bring kids into a family where everything is precarious. What if you get sick? What if I get sick? Who goes on a birth certificate? It’s just not… meant to be.”

“I don’t know,” Yunho admitted, sniffling as he cupped her cheek. “But I’ll figure it out with you and with Mingi. It isn’t something I thought about, I’ll be honest, but I know we can figure it out. Whatever it takes, we’ll do it.”

“What if we try really hard and it doesn’t matter; it's still not enough?” She questioned, giving voice to the fear that had percolated at the back of her mind for months. If it all seemed hopeless, wasn’t it maybe better not to even try?

“I know I mess up a lot,” Mingi said, putting a hand on her arm over the covers. “I know I’m bad at things sometimes, but please don’t give up on me. Don’t leave me, please.”

“I’m not—” she began, ready to say that wasn’t what she was doing, but if she was giving up, wasn’t that what she was doing? She couldn’t have it both ways, giving up and pretending it was anything other than a choice she was making. Having to face that, the finality of having to  _ make  _ that choice was like a realization. It was easy to pretend she was just letting go like some dramatic heroine falling off a cliff in a melancholic flourish. Being confronted with that being a  _ choice  _ and only and inevitable if she decided that it was, felt like a slap in the face.

She sat up, struggling past the weight of the boys on either side of the blanket, and threw her arms around Mingi. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… it’s just so hard that I can’t see how everything is going to be okay. And both of you. You could have anyone and it would be so much easier than all of this…” She squeezed him tight, burying her face in his shoulder, drying her cheeks on the soft fabric of his t-shirt. “When she hit on you, it was just like a punch to the gut. No one would have believed you were with us. How can we keep going like we’re something to hide? Why can’t you be proud to be with us?”

“I just kept feeling everyone’s eyes on me,” Mingi admitted. “I know it’s stupid, but I’ve always worried about what people think of me.”

“Why can’t you worry about how I see you?” She questioned, pain evident in her voice. “Why isn’t what we see in you more important?”

“I don’t know,” Mingi admitted. “I know you love me and you’re always there.”

“What am I supposed to do when I feel like you won’t be there?” She pulled away slightly, the heaviness in her chest weighing on it again. “I can’t keep feeling like I’m going to be alone if things get hard.”

“I’m always here,” Yunho curled around her from behind.

“I know,” she nodded, running her fingers through his hair. “You never let me feel alone. But I know how much you love him and sometimes I still wonder if… if I’m not just the filler you have that you won’t always need. I see how you look at him. I know it hurts you too that he won’t…”

“I’m not going to say that it doesn’t hurt,” Yunho concurred. “But you’ve never been some fill in for something I’m missing from him. Never feel like you are some consolation prize for me.” 

She nodded, trying to take that to heart. “Sometimes it’s hard not to feel replaceable.”

“I never,” Mingi shook his head and blinked back a burning in his eyes as he felt a knife twist in his chest. “You should never have doubted how important you are and it’s my fault.”

“It’s not all your fault but feeling like you’re embarrassed to be more than just my friend doesn’t help,” She admitted, taking his hand.

“You’re so important,” Yunho assured her, wrapping himself around both of them as much as he could. “You make everything so much better, just by being here with us.” The words were like a warm blanket around her heart.

“I really will do better,” Mingi promised, still looking a little like a kicked puppy. “You scared me when you disappeared. If you had gotten hurt, it would have been my fault.”

“Not your fault,” She assured him. “You can’t hold yourself responsible for my choices. I shouldn’t have gone off alone. I’m sorry.”

“Can we do the shopping tomorrow?” Mingi asked, having something in mind and no longer wanting to put off the day.

“Sure, we can make tomorrow our shopping and makeover day,” Yunho agreed. “Should we see if we can make appointments to get our hair done?”

“Yeah,” A shyness suffused Mingi’s expression. “There are some things I still want to change.”

“Whatever it is,” she said supportively. “I’m so gonna be there for it.”

“Thank you, babe,” Mingi kissed her forehead before pulling her head to his chest. “I’m so lucky to have you both.”


End file.
